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Did I … ?

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love?’ These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will be many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.” (Henri Nouwen)

So many times, I hear people say, “But I can’t do more.” That’s because we are picturing “more” in terms of some type of job or production with hours of planning followed by physically straining and emotionally draining tasks that take us away from families or careers. Oh, how little we trust God’s love. God is not our drill sergeant. God is not a bullying boss who uses us to work in cruel conditions for little compensation. God is love.

Yes, some people are called to ministry and that requires a lifetime of planning and work and giving and serving. Some people are called to coordinate the entire VBS project. Some people are called to plan the preschool curriculum. But they are called in love and blessed by love in return. God equips those whom He calls so that they may face the tasks while being held up by His strength and patience and love and joy.

So what about the rest of us? Can we say we can’t do more? Look back at the opening quote. We are called to love. We are called to forgive. We are called to smile at the stressed workers at the fast food counter and find something nice to say to them. We are called to invite the grieving neighbor over for a meal. We are called to visit the young, scared mother in the hospital as she sits by her child’s bedside. We are called to write a note of encouragement to someone or call and pray with someone over the phone. We are called to give the ministry team a break from time to time and fill in where needed. We are called to bring food for the youth group. We are called to be the helper in a children’s class. We are called to many things.

But God calls us to these moments with the assurance that He will equip us with the resources and strength needed. And we will know that we are bringing the love of God to others, while being loved by God as we serve.

The miracle of God is that He loves us during all of the times that we do nothing. He loves us while we are making a thousand excuses for why we can’t do something. If we open our eyes to the needs of those around us, doing something will not necessarily require lots of time or energy. God will show us ways that we can show more love every single day.

At the times in my life when I merely “got through the day” thinking I could do no more, I missed out on the chance to walk with God and allow Him to bring His joy and peace and love to me more fully. On the days when I ask God to show me how to serve Him, He blesses me richly with His presence and His love and joy.

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How have I grown today?

Do you ask yourself daily if you have grown emotionally or spiritually in the preceding 24 hours? I didn’t ask myself this question very often in the past. I don’t know if it was because I was subconsciously so egotistical that I thought I didn’t need to grow, or if it was because I had become too complacent over the years, not seeing or being concerned about the deficiencies in my life. Either way, I didn’t check myself to see if I was still growing at all. But I really do want to be a life-long learner.

Growing means more than learning a fact. Memorizing information does not mean I am growing. Neither does watching the news or reading a book. Growing, to me, means I have taken the information and assessed what I am going to do with it.

If I hear new information, what am I going to do with that information? Can apply it to my life? Am I taking new information and becoming more compassionate, more just or more loving? Am I taking new thoughts and seeing the world more through God’s eyes than through my own weak and often unfocused eyesight? Am I taking ideas from a book and letting them teach me to understand life from a perspective other than my own narrow experience?

Have I learned to write better, paint better or teach better? Have I learned a healthier approach to life? Can I cook a new meal to share with family and friends? Only reading the recipe does not help me grow. Learning about new cooking techniques or herbs and then using them does.

Have I prayed a new prayer? Have I gained a new insight? Have I listened more closely to the silent cries of the world? Have I reached out because of a new found courage? Have I moved forward after a stalled period in my life? Have I taken one more step out of my grief or anger? Have I found one more thing to be thankful for? Have I learned how to better express my thanks?

Tough questions can come with a price. We may not like the answers, or we may realize that we haven’t grown in much too long. No matter our age, learning and growing can be a process we claim daily.

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Friends and mentors matter

A very short story to remind us all that friends and mentors matter: 

The right words…

Kate sat on the park bench and stared out across the grass damp with the morning dew. It was only 7:15 in the morning, but she wanted to give up on the day already. How could she keep going at this pace? She was so far behind in everything. In 15 minutes she needed to wake her daughters to begin the day, but even that seemed like an impossible task. As she stood to leave, she heard the bell tone on her cell phone announce an incoming text.

“Praying for you this morning. Hope you are feeling okay. I remembered that today might be hard for you. Text me later and tell me how everything is going.”

How did her friend and mentor always have such perfect timing with her encouraging words?  As Kate finished her walk, she texted back. “Worried about today. Talking to my lawyer in a couple of hours. Nervous about answering all of the questions. Also worried about the medical bills. I am behind on most of them.”

“Let’s look over the bills together. Maybe I can help you with setting up some payment plans. And call me right before your appointment so we can pray together.”

Kate knew that they would do more than pray on the phone. She knew her friend would tell her how strong she was and what courage it took to do what she was doing. Kate knew her friend would tell her she was a great Mom and encourage her to hang in there. Then they would pray, and Kate would feel stronger. Kate knew her friend had already prayed her though many difficult days. How did she always have the right words?

As she started breakfast, she stopped to write a quick note to her friend and mentor. The words weren’t poetic or powerful, but with the simplicity of the note Kate thanked the person who had changed her life the most.

“Thank you. I am different because of you. I feel more confident in my parenting skills. I better understand my finances. I try new adventures in life because you encouraged me past my fear and anxiety. I don’t give up on projects I had given up on in the past. I stay focused more because you hold me accountable. I feel stronger because you pray me through. I feel loved and cared about. I feel more willing to learn. I can more easily face my own mistakes. I feel real. You matter to me, and I wanted you to know it.”

She tucked the note inside of an envelope to mail later. With a renewed determination, she continued her morning routine knowing she could survive the day.

 

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Insignificant

I laugh quietly at the way we define ourselves in this world. We often feel obligated to answer key questions about our career, our marital status or our investments as if proving ourselves to someone. I enjoy listening to conversations in malls, on trains, in offices. (There’s that old joke about “be careful or you will end up in my novel.”) But I do like to listen to people as they get to know each other. There are “significant things” people want to know depending upon the person. Where are you from? What denomination are you? Where did you graduate from? How long have you worked there? Have you volunteered there long? Are you married? Do you have children? How many books have you published?

We put so much pressure on ourselves at times to live up to the expectations of other people. We want to please people with the answers to these questions. Sometimes we even feel tempted to fudge on our answers as if changing the answers could really change the truth. But does any one answer really define who we are? Is the fullness of my life summed up on my resume or in short introductions where I am told first impressions are a key to success?

I like to look deeper and try very hard to move beyond first impressions. I believe it’s the “insignificant” things make us unique and really define who we are. Take my girls, for instance. I can answer the “significant” things about each one of the. Yes, my daughters make good grades, play musical instruments, have a strong faith and are really good kids overall. I feel confident that they will be prepared for the future, whatever that holds. I know that education and strong roots are important. But I love the little things about them that you see only when you really get to know them, the things that others may see as insignificant.

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One daughter refuses to let people make negative comments about others. She reminds those near her not to gossip, but to always find the positive in a person. One daughter sees the small things in life. She can find a ladybug or a tiny flower that I overlooked. She sees the rays of the sun before I do. Both daughters enjoy a good conversation. My daughters love mismatched socks. They draw hearts on their hands. They like cheese melted on saltine crackers. They fall asleep to music–one to contemporary Christian and one to soft rock or country music. Both like history. One eats peanut butter on a spoon. One cuts her own hair. One can’t whistle. One swings every day in our backyard. Both are artists with a unique vision.

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Do we look for the unique personality traits and strengths in our family members, our friends and our co-workers? If not, we are missing out on a lot in life. Try throwing out first impressions and looking a little deeper. This makes the journey much more interesting as we discover more about those on the journey with us.

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