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When we listen…

I read a blog post recently written by a preacher who learned a valuable lesson about listening to the story of others before making any assumptions about the person. When we listen, we grow in our understanding of the lives of others and the realities in this world that we may have never experienced. When I read social media posts, I see the pain that so many people experience when their stories aren’t heard. People try to tell their stories so we can try to understand what it’s like for them as cancer patients, as people with special needs, as people who grieve over a loss, as people who face hate or violence of all types, as people who struggle with depression or addictions or pain of so many types.

As I am sending a wonderful young woman with special needs to college, I am shocked at how many people are simply unwilling to listen. They are quick to judge, to assume I must be doing something wrong. They are also quick to pass along advice that is simply wrong for our circumstances. Here‘s what I wish you could hear from my life story that would really help my family:

I know she looks “normal” to you. I hear that a lot. Looks aren’t everything. I have a file cabinet full of medical documentation that chronicles our journey through being born with neurological challenges. What’s her diagnosis: my daughter is on the autism spectrum. She also has Sensory Processing Disorder. I can explain what all that means to us if you wish, but please don’t just do an internet search and think you understand. Every child with these diagnoses is different.

She needs “alone” time and down time to succeed. Please quit telling me to make my child be more sociable. When she is alone with headphones in, she is recharging herself. All groups are chaotic to her, so it’s a miracle that she is finding her way through even the small college we chose for her. She thrives with order, lines, clear directions on exactly where to walk and when. That’s not reality at college, but she’s willing to face it anyway. But don’t tell her what she needs to succeed. She doesn’t need to join up every time other freshmen do. She needs a quiet library, a structured quiet meal and a time to wrap up in a blanket on her bed (when the room is empty). It’s so healthy for her.

She’s not rude. Sometimes she just doesn’t feel up to eye contact or know exactly how to respond to some greetings. And yes, when she does respond she’s incredibly blunt. But I love that about her. When you get to know her, you will find it very refreshing. If she doesn’t want to join you for an event, she will not hesitate to just politely say no, she doesn’t want to. She’s not going to say things like “let me check my calendar” or “I’ll get back with you.” And understand that the cafeteria is crazy for her. Be patient as she tries to learn how to order her food amidst loudness and busyness that is so hard for her to handle.

She can’t verbalize a lot of what she’s thinking or feeling. I’m not being a helicopter Mom when I initiate the conversation. I will never ask you to go easy on her. I will never ask you to give her a grade she has not earned. I will never ask you to drop a consequence if she has erred and needs the consequence. What I will ask of you is understanding. When she hurts, she can’t tell you what hurts. She doesn’t know if she has strep throat or an infected leg or a stomach bug. When she needs help, I need to step in so we can together assess the severity of the situation. I am her mother and her advocate. She dehydrates because she never feels as thirsty as she should. She only weighs 87 lbs. Her brain just sends crazy messages to her body about what she needs and how she needs to process food. She doesn’t have an eating disorder. Her doctors all know about her weight—it has been a life-long issue. She can’t always verbalize her class needs or her social needs. Allow me to initiate the conversation to model for her strong communication and to make her feel secure in the setting so she knows you are listening and willing to accept her as she is. If you assume she has to verbalize everything on her own, you are not helping her succeed. There’s nothing wrong with needing a prayerful and gentle advocate who just helps with communication.

She’s amazing if you just take time to see it. She served as a volunteer for hundreds of hours during high school. She has already signed up to tutor elementary kids near her college.  She wants to teach music to young children as her career. I think she will do great with that career!

She’s not lazy. She just gets confused and overwhelmed by some “social” assignments. So far she has been faced with the challenge of asking for rides for required off-campus assignments. Verbalizing the need and then figuring out a common schedule is quite a challenge for her neurologically. She also had to go up to classmates and conduct an oral interview for a class. Wow—huge challenge for a kid that was born nonverbal. Please don’t tell me that is something she should just get over and learn how to do. She’s come so far in life. I’m ok if there are some skills she never masters. God can bless her life without her learning to be “just like others.” Just because you assume something is a necessity in life, doesn’t make it so for everyone. I want her to reach her potential—whatever that may be. I don’t want her to try to change to meet our worldly American definition of what life must be like.

Get to know us—really get to know us—before you give advice. Listening should come first. I’m ok with whatever you want to think about me. I don’t define myself by your judgments. But if you want to make a difference for her, take a moment to consider who she is and what challenges she has already overcome. Her life story is pretty amazing.

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Why do they pray?

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Last month, I released Two Frontiers, my third book—first historical fiction. The book is set during the time of the Mexican-American War (late 1840s, pre-Civil War). Three of my main characters pray occasionally throughout the book. Their prayers are not printed, but I do make reference to them praying for other characters. I have been asked by readers why I incorporated prayer into my fictional book. Here’s my answer:

First, I believe that prayer keeps us centered on the holy in our lives. Prayer keeps our focus off of fear and limited hope and empty wishes and keeps our focus on an all-powerful, loving God who truly wants us to come seeking answers and comfort. When my prayer life is not strong, I get off-track in my goals and with my emotions. My characters needed the same focus (don’t want to tell you why—too many spoilers).

Second, my characters (just like me) needed a place to pour out their sorrows and fears and hurts. When they faced fears, they needed a Holy Presence to help comfort them and grant them strength to go forward. I am not a self-sufficient person (even when I am stubborn and try to be). I need God in my life to guide me at all times and to help carry me and strengthen me when I feel broken. I wanted my characters to reflect this same need.

Third, praying does not mean that the outcome of a situation will be automatically be changed (one spoiler—one character is seriously injured in the war). I have prayed for the health of people who still died way too young. I have prayed over my life and have still had to climb mountains to survive. I have prayed for my children, and they have still made some pretty big mistakes (great girls, though—love them dearly). Prayer didn’t always change the outcome to suit my wishes. Prayer changed me, though. Prayer gave me a stronger peace of mind and a sense of comfort. Prayer helped me find insight into the situation. Prayer led me to new hope that I would have never found on my own, to answers that came in a way much better than what I had asked for.

So my characters prayed in my book. It’s how I get through life; it’s how I had them get through their challenges. I pray. It changes me for the better.

Why are “they” on the list?
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Why are “they” on the list?

A friend once asked me to explain why I thought the people listed in Hebrews 11 were on the list as heroes and heroines of faith. Here’s my answer:

They are on the list because they yielded control (though quite imperfectly, as we see by their sins) to God. Granted, they did not yield control early in life for many of these on the list. Many of us hold on to part of our lives. We plan our careers or our families or the place where we will settle or travel. We think God approves just because we prayed and things are working out well. We tell God, “I’ll give you Sunday and Wednesday. That’s really doing better than a lot of people I know.” We also tell God, “Here’s the amount of money that is yours. Tell me how you want me to donate it.” We also tell God, “Here’s how I am willing to help. Show me where you want me to do the things I am comfortable doing.” We are quite pleased with ourselves when we say those things because the bar is set really low for what we are expected to do as Christians. God asks for all of us…to pray unceasingly…to follow faithfully…to give all that we have that separates us from God (Matthew 19–rich young ruler)…to witness everywhere we go… He does not ask for our lives as a slave owner. He asks so he can set us free and we can find the deep joy of loving him and being in a relationship with him.

To me, the power behind Abraham’s courage was his obedience to God. He yielded control of all of the details of his life. That’s very hard to do in reality. Abraham faltered at times, not sure about how to follow or bring about God’s plan. But he is a hero of faith because he was willing to drop all of his excuses and give God control of his life. Even when he sinned, Abraham still turned to God for the renewal and the second and third chance to keep going along the path God called him to. God told him where to travel to. God told him what all of the plans were to be. Go asked him to leave his native country and his relatives and go to a place that God would show him. That is the standard God set for us to follow. Things only became messy when Abraham tried to be in control of the planning. Look at Moses, Paul, and Peter, or any of the disciples. “Come and follow me.” It started in the Old Testament and continued throughout the New Testament. Follow me… not “follow me when it makes sense or is convenient.”

But isn’t that illogical? Financially risky? Unwise? Unsafe? Crazy? That’s why we might shun many of the people on the list, not because of their sins alone, though. I think we would shun them for the part they got right. We would say they were crazy. Leave everything you know and go somewhere that God says he will show you? Really? Have checked with your accountant first? Maybe the elders should talk to you about this plan, Abraham. Have you been feeling OK? Have you talked to your physician about how this will affect your health? We often ask for more pre-planning and a better, more secure package in this world.

Because of Abraham’s great faith, God told him, “This is what the LORD says: Because you have obeyed me and have not withheld even your son, your only son, I swear by my own name that I will certainly bless you. I will multiply your descendants beyond number, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will conquer the cities of their enemies. And through your descendants all the nations of the earth will be blessed — all because you have obeyed me” (Genesis 22:16-18). (Not because he was perfect, but because he gave God control of the plans. When he sinned, he was still trying to bring about God’s plan…he just forgot for a moment to trust that God really knew what he was doing. After he sinned, he still turned right back to God, giving God control over the mess Abraham just made by his sin.)
Not withhold even your son…we all withhold so much so that we feel secure, we feel wise in our planning, we feel comfortable. I just finished a study of Acts. Paul let God direct every part of his journey. When Paul tried to go where he thought was best, Acts tells us that God would instead lead him where God needed him next. And Paul went. Not many of us would witness as tirelessly as Paul witnessed.

Now, of course, God calls us all to different paths. Paul had many friends in each city who were called to help him and minister with him, but were not called to journey with him or be as abused as Paul was. I am not saying that we should all pack our bags and sell our homes and get on a camel or a boat and head out. But are we really willing to do whatever God asks? If we are in prayer and we have truly turned our entire lives over to God, he will use us in miraculous ways. Do we listen for God’s call? When he does call, do we respond with complete obedience and faith? We don’t get to choose the call.

Take Rahab as another example. Wasn’t her life complicated enough without some strange men coming in to take shelter? Wasn’t it illogical for her to let them in and hide them? If God sent someone to our door, would we listen to what he was asking us to do or would our human logic take over? Would we have handed them a few bucks and sent them on their way? Rahab put her entire life at risk for a plan that she could not have fully grasped at the time, though she did have an understanding about God’s ways. She followed faith rather than logic and “good sense.”

In Joshua 2:9 she says, “9. And she said unto the men, I know that the Lord hath given you the land, and that your terror is fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land faint because of you.”

Her house was apparently part of the wall of the city. She had a questionable reputation. She raised and/or bought flax and had it drying on the rooftop. Her house must have also doubled as an inn at times since the guards naturally thought visitors may know to go there or be sent there. Others in Jericho had news of God and his miraculous work and the conquests of the nation of Israel, but we are only told that this one person stood on her faith. Many people wouldn’t even risk their lives for friends, but she risked her life for spies for the “enemy” of her people because she believed. She had no guarantee (at the beginning) that she would survive. Are we willing to serve without guarantees? Do we have the courage of Rahab?

It takes an incredible amount of courage and faith to look for solutions outside of our own experience and comfort zone. Rahab had to look past her heritage, past her comfort, past her own traditions, past what common sense as a Canaanite woman told her in order to do what God asked her to do. Rahab knew that she could not serve two masters–she had the choice to make of which side to stand on. She chose God/Israel.

Sometimes the answers are outside of the boxes we construct through our traditions and through our education. But if we daily read God’s Word and pray daily that God use us as He desires, then we can open our minds to His answers and His way. Sometimes nothing we have done or learned in the past prepares us for the answer we need to give.

Yet, also, sometimes God uses our past sinfulness for his good when we say yes to him and are renewed. Part of her past did prepare her for this night. She had flax drying on the roof. Rahab had the nerve to defy authorities. Hadn’t these been part of her past? But now God was using this for his glory.

That brings me to my second point of this list of Heroes of Faith…who are willing to minister with? Many of us would easily minister to the people on the list…an old man wandering around the area…a harlot with questionable business practices…a drunk man…an adulterous woman. But many of us have, as you said, set the bar too high for people we will minister with. Will we teach a class with a recovering alcoholic whom everyone knows drank away his family savings? Will we join a mission team with a former adulterer who is really trying to find where God is leading him?

Do we talk behind their backs, an act that sabotages the effectiveness of their witness? Do we make a list of accomplishments they have to achieve or milestones they have to reach before they are “reformed enough” to join us in ministry? As men and women are released from prison that we have ministered to, do we invite them into our pews and into our programs, hoping that they may lead one day?

Who would have joined Rahab’s Bible study group? Not many of us, I am afraid. But Matthew’s genealogy list puts Rahab in the lineage of Christ. Christ does not hold the past against any person, but opens the door for a full restoration of each sinner who believes and repents. We get a new life. But do most of us really allow everyone to get a new life. We gossip or mistrust or give a small task to a person so they will “be busy and stay out of the real work.”

Rahab had two strikes against her… she was part of the Canaanites and she participated in questionable sexual and business practices. But when she was called by God, she responded in complete faith. God responded with love and acceptance. He sought her because he knew her heart and knew she would respond. Her faith and her actions are tied together. God saw her through his eyes, not through our perceptions.

This is what makes the list in Hebrews 11 so powerful…these are people who had faith and who acted on that faith–who listened for God and responded when God called. And God renews. It is God who makes us courageous enough and wise enough and strong enough and patient enough to serve. It is God in us that makes us able to respond in faith as Rahab did. She was not just a woman … but she was a woman filled with God. That made the difference.

So that is what we are called to do… have faith and act on that faith every time God calls. We are also to know that we are forgiven when we stumble … forgiveness gives us a chance to get back up and respond to God once again. And we are called to serve with others whom God calls … we aren’t the keepers of God’s call. Paul was a murderer. Peter was a coward and often confused at times.

I am a divorced woman … a former victim of abuse. I have been homeless. I have sinned. I have been a coward at times. I have been confused. Somehow, God called me. I understand why it is tempting to be my judge. I have heard the whispers behind my back. I have known people who were willing to minister to me, but not with me. I am not their judge. I am not the keeper of their call from God. I am just a person who must respond when and where God calls me. I blog. I write. I teach. I speak. I go. I listen. I pray. I read. I study.

It is all about God, though. It is about God acting in and through us. That is what Hebrews 11 is about to me…being a vessel carrying God’s will, God’s love, God’s mercy, God’s grace, God’s hope.

I picture Rahab when she first felt renewed by God. Can you imagine the feelings that swept over and through her when she felt God’s cleansing and renewing and empowering love…when she first understood what God was about…when she felt God embrace her in a pure and loving embrace that didn’t use her or degrade her or shame her, but rather built her up and made her feel whole. That empowerment and love soaked into the depth of her being…that feeling of renewal stayed in her memory. It was from that feeling that she was able to draw the courage and wisdom needed to serve and go forward in life. It was her personal relationship with God that allowed her to seek his path for a dilemma, for life, for our journey. She had to think fast. If we aren’t in tune with God and his power, we tend to make lousy choices when we have to think fast. But Rahab knew what God could do–God was miraculous. He could take these Israelites and make impossible things happen. God can also take a harlot and turn her into someone that eventually points to Christ in the lineage, someone who is held up as a heroine of faith.

So we have asked, do we obey God’s call? We have asked, who will we minister with? Now we have to ask, who can minister to us? I think about the spies here…obviously they were servants for God, willing to take on a dangerous mission. What would have happened to them if they had said, “I’m not going to ask for help from her… a harlot, a questionable businesswoman…a Canaanite. I’m not going to be in her house! She’s a sinner!” They would have died, no doubt. They were saved by God through Rahab. Wow! Would we allow her to minister to us? Would we go in her house, follow her directions, seek her advice? Great question!

Do we hear God’s voice when it is spoken through someone we are judging too harshly? Can we accept that God speaks through these people on this list of heroes in faith? She had a bad reputation at that moment…we are not talking about years later. We are talking about right then and there when she was considered bad news, a bad example, an outcast. Didn’t God get the memo about using good people first? Well, we forget that God writes the memos and his message said that she’s the one he called. She listened. She responded. Can we handle that in today’s world? God is God…his character and nature has remained the same throughout the ages. So if he called Rahab then, he would call her now. If she taught a class, would we attend and listen? We would seek God’s Word though her?

This list is about God’s renewal and his power and love. He loved these people. He loved Rahab! He put the seeds of his love inside of her. She felt them growing even in her sin and imperfections. She allowed God’s Word to grow inside of her to the point of it overflowing into action!

www.chrispepple.com

 

A New Year’s Prayer
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A New Year’s Prayer

I wrote this for a dear friend, but I would like to  share this with my readers also:

I pray that you receive many blessings throughout the upcoming year–that you never feel pain more than you see healing; that you never sense hurt more than you feel wrapped in the love of God, family and friends; that you never feel lost without seeing the light and finding the hand to guide you. When you question, may you hear God’s answers. When you sense the deepest joys God has to offer, may you never forget the source or the sweet lingering memory.

I faced many challenges during the last three months. Someone asked me how I experienced God during this time. Here’s my answer:

God draws hearts in my hand; He becomes the flow of running water washing mud and dirt from those same hands. He is the laughter that sweeps through my day when I need it most and the lullaby that calms my night. He is the reason for a smile and the warmth that sweetens the hug of a friend. He is in the echo of footprints down a long hospital hall. He is the coolness in the glass of sweet tea offered by a caring soul. He is the power of the songs in your car when your car is the only place you can worship. He is the unconditional love of a dog, the heart of a child, the purr of a comforting cat. He is in the silence at the end of a prayer. He is the protector of our souls, the creator of our talents and the sower of our hopes and dreams.

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To the tween and teen girls “chasing” boys

I’m a Mom. I spend a lot of time waiting for my daughters at school, church and other youth events. I see many of you in the halls or getting off the buses or coming into the room. I can see it in some of your eyes and hear it in your conversations. You are “chasing” some boy and seem almost obsessed with the pursuit. I’ll agree with you about two things I hear you say. First, you and your friends think he is cute. We can all see that. Second, you will make some of the girls jealous who are pursuing the same goals in life: date and date someone who is popular enough to make others wish they were in your shoes. But past that, I can’t agree with you on much else.

Here’s what I wish I could tell you:

  • You are missing so much of life around you because you are focused on a boy and only on a boy. You are missing the songs being played around you, the games with the group, the speakers sharing some really great thoughts, and the fun times with the girls. You are missing quiet moments without your social media. You are missing a chance to find out who you are—not who you could be if you dated the guy you are currently chasing.
  • You are missing out on trusting God. God tells you throughout Scripture that He loves you and has a plan for you that includes many blessings, much love, and joy. Find out who you are in God’s eyes while you are young. When you know who you are in God’s eyes, you can trust Him to bring the right people into your life. You will make sweet, wonderful friends (guys and girls). While making friends, you will eventually also find a person who is the perfect one for you. This person will not make you feel whole—God already did that for you. This person will make you feel special and loved and safe and happy. You won’t have to worry about what outfit you are wearing or how your hair looks. You won’t have to text often or post questionable photos to get his attention.
  • You are worth more than the stress of the pursuit. You are not incomplete without another human. You have gifts and talents to share with this crazy world. Share them. Laugh with friends. Quit competing with the other girls around you. Life is not a competition to be won or lost. Get off social media and just hang out with friends. Your friends will be by your side forever if you build solid relationships. You actually become a stronger person when you help build each other up through encouragement and kindness.

This is a challenging time in your life. It can be so hard to be a young woman in today’s world. There are so many voices competing to be heard by you. So many images flash before your eyes every day through TV, movies, YouTube, and all of the social media sites. But try starting and ending each day with asking God to keep the image of who you were created to be before your eyes. You don’t have to create an image for yourself—just grow into the image God created in you. It’s not easy, but it brings lots of unexpected blessings.

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Nothing is Wasted

I have been listening over and over again to Jason Gray’s song “Nothing is Wasted.” It touched my heart a few weeks ago, and it has been my worship song ever since. “Nothing is wasted in the hands of our Redeemer.”

What a beautiful picture this song paints of God using everything—everything! The tears we cry seed the ground for joy to grow. Deepest wounds allow beauty to bloom. Glory shines from the ruins, from the ashes. God’s grace and love transform every single thing into something that can shine for His glory when we turn it over to Him.

Oh, turn it over to Him? We have a hard time with that, don’t we? I know I do sometimes. I tend to want to hang on to things (problems, challenges, confusion, tasks) so I can handle them in a way I think is best. I trust myself to handle things, so maybe I should just keep control. Less fear and worry that way. If I am holding on tightly, I know what is happening.

Sometimes I get it right. I can make something somewhat beautiful at times through my own creative efforts. I can find ways to be happy. That’s what I used to tell myself. Then I gave control of something personal to God when I ran out of options. I was amazed.

What I had called satisfactory before was nothing compared to the beauty God created from the mess. What I considered happiness was nothing compared to the joy I found in God. But more than that, I realized how many times I waste things. I waste tears. I don’t shed tears for people or situations that break God’s heart. And when I do, I don’t turn those tears over to God to seek His plan. I don’t ask if I am part of the solution. I waste money. I waste resources. I waste gifts.

I waste time when I forget to turn my days over to God. I often set my schedule, then give a few leftover minutes to God. What would happen if I prayed over my calendar before I wrote anything on it? What would happen if I asked co-workers to do the same? What would our days look like if we seriously asked if we were making the best use of our time for God’s glory? I think based on Scripture that God would give us plenty of time for rest and for fun fellowship with others along with other work to spread His grace and love. But our joy would be deeper, and no minute would be wasted in the hands of our Redeemer.

And no person would be forgotten by God. Don’t we sometimes discount the life of a person, forgetting to see gifts present? I have been the “forgotten one” before. It hurts. So this song reminds me that my life is not wasted when I place it in the hands of my Redeemer. God can use my deepest pains to bring beauty into my life. He can use my tears and your tears to bring joy. He can use my minutes for His glory. He can used the person I walked past or gave up on to change the world. He can use everything we give back to Him to transform this world—our communities—our homes—our lives into places of deep beauty and joy. May we stop holding on so tightly…that is my prayer…hold on so tightly only to God and watch what happens next.

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Wanna be a Hero?

I keep seeing this question pop up in some ads that are going around in my area. The ads are implying that you can be a child’s hero by helping out with the company’s summer program. Many of my friend’s posted these ads, and I almost did just to go along with the trend in my area. But I just can’t do it.

Do I wanna be a hero? No, I don’t. Why would I say no to that? Because Jesus would never had called Himself a hero, and Jesus asked me to be like Him in all I say and all I do and all I post. I don’t want to be a hero. I want to be a servant. I want to change the world through love and through drawing people to Jesus, through seeking to be set apart through His holiness rather than looking just like the world and its hate and jagged edges and demanding conformity and excuses and justifications.

Someone yesterday paid me the highest compliment—they called me compassionate. That is what I want to be. I don’t care how hard the journey is or how much others separate me because I won’t follow their lead. I don’t want to be a hero.

God, let me serve those who are in need. Help me stand strong when others need a helping hand. Help me be your hands and feet. Let me speak for those without a voice. Let me take the road less travelled and be the change that I want to see in this world. May I carry Your light to drive out the darkness. May I carry Your love to conquer hate. May I carry Your peace to conquer anger. May I speak Your words to soothe hurting souls. May I be like You, my Savior, my Guide, my Strength, my Hope, my Vision.

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Church and the Call to Holiness

As an imperfect human, I struggle at times with the call to holiness. We, as Christians, are being sanctified through the sacrifice of Christ (Hebrews 10:14). I Peter (along with many other Scriptures), reminds us that as those following Christ we have a call to holy conduct while on this earth. We are called in Scripture to be set apart, to be holy while still on this earth. We are not just waiting for a heavenly change. We are living the reality of holiness here.

At times, however, I don’t live the reality of being separated for God’s honor and service. I want to have things go my way rather than God’s. Often it is because I am being impatient, wanting an answer quicker than God is providing one. At other times, I struggle because God’s plan doesn’t seem logical to me. I can’t imagine how His answer or path could possibly lead to success. Then I realize that I am defining success by human (earthly) standards.

Seeking holiness means listening to God through His Word and letting Him truly be the author of the story of my life. John 14:17 reminds us that the Holy Spirit dwells within us and will guide and teach us. II Timothy 3:16 tells us that the Scriptures are breathed out by God and should be our guide. In Hebrews 1:1-2, we are reminded that God spoke to us through His Son. We have the necessary answers for our life if we choose to hear them.

This same call for holiness goes out to churches, not just individuals. And the same temptations are present for churches and those in leadership positions. At times, a church may try to take or stop an action, wanting things to go “their way” or a particular leader’s way rather than prayerfully seeking a vision from God or hearing God’s vision through someone He chose to speak and work through. At times we may prefer the comfortable rather than the unknown. We may want the status quo rather than the distinction of stepping out to be set apart.

Sometimes, as a church, we also tend to define holiness by our own standards rather than God’s. All through Scripture, God has shown us that He is a God of surprises. When His people start to feel comfortable and “in charge” in our own routines, His call moves His people into the unexpected, into a new place or a new routine, or with unexpected people in our midst.

Our call to holiness means we must be willing, as individuals and a church, to let God be in charge. Let God upset our routines. Let God speak to us through the unexpected voices—the hesitant Moses, the youthful David, the forgiven David, the changed Paul, the fishermen, the women at the well, the tax collectors, the children, the lepers, the widow with only a mite. Remember all of those in Scripture whom He called to leave the expected, the comfortable, and the familiar. He asks us to trust Him as He unsettles us with plans that only He could dream of.

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My child and church

I believe in free play for kids. I think every child needs unstructured time to develop their imaginations and relax their minds and bodies. Kids need time away from electronics. They need playgrounds and building blocks and clay and dirt piles and blank paper and paint and cardboard and drums and glue and glitter. I have girls, and we needed lots of glitter.

I also know, however, that preschoolers, and really even elementary-aged children, cannot be put in a church room and told to just relax, hang out and enjoy themselves without some type of structure and supervision. They need a little direction and a little programming to keep them safe and headed in a good direction. I have worked with kids long enough to know that left alone, the creative kids will glue something to the walls eventually or add pictures to the boring books that were unfortunate enough to get published without pictures. The young engineers will try to build a cathedral out of chairs only to have it topple on them or a friend. The child who had a bad day will hit the child who is smiling too much just to even out the bad feelings. The perfectionist child will try to make rules for everyone and eventually get hit or get lofted to the top of the chair cathedral and left there (I know this because I raised a rule maker, not intentionally).

Churches also need programming with a purpose instead of just free time alone. If we are reaching out to kids and bringing them into our buildings, we need them to know the basics: Jesus loves them and we love them. They were created as a child of God and given talents that they can use for the glory of God. They can serve others with their gifts and talents. They can change lives.

But how do develop children’s programming that reaches lots of children and helps them begin to understand their individual gifts and talents? We often don’t have the resources (money or volunteers or staffing) to plan too many types of programs for kids, especially during the school year. Adults are already often terrified to enter the children’s department for fear of being asked to volunteer. If we add additional programming, we may cause people to hide from us long term.

I am thinking about this because some children feel alienated from the programs we traditionally offer. I think of my oldest child when we were in a church that highlighted their junior camp for older elementary students. She stayed away from church for weeks before and after the camp because literally every other child but her went. She was not ready for a long stay away from home. She felt as if she was doing something wrong because she must have been created differently and God forgot to give her the gene that made her want to go to camp. I am not sorry I allowed her to stay home from camp. That’s not to say the church should not offer the camp or encourage the others to go. I think we just need to understand that even wonderful programs are not for everyone.

My other daughter was the same way about traditional children’s choirs. She hated being told she had to sit for 30 to 45 minutes and learn a song. It was torture for her. She is like me—no musical talent. I even lip sync from my seat in the congregation! I let her quit choir. She felt guilty as if she was failing God when others approached her about her choice. But God has given her other wonderful talents. She has the gift of laughter and making people smile even in tough situations. She loves animals and cares for the ones in need. She mentors younger children. She draws beautifully. I am not sorry I let her quit choir. Again, I don’t want to see choirs stopped. My oldest daughter is a musician who is going to major in music. Love it that we offer choirs and bands in churches!

So what is my point here? I keep thinking about a request I had from my church as an adult. It asked me to serve in the areas of the church where my passions and talents were. They asked us to identify needs in the church and the community that we may be able to fill using the gifts God gave us. Trust me, they do not want this writer to serve on the finance committee! Numbers scare me. And they do not want my best friend who is an accountant to serve on the committee writing the brochures. Words scare her. As a church, we asked adults to find what they do best and use that passion and talent to serve.

If we are doing that with adults, why are we still trying to fit kids into one box so many times? Why are we disappointed with the kid who won’t sing or won’t go to camp? Why do we pressure a child to be in the Christmas pageant when it clearly does not match up with his or her gifts and talents God has given that child? Why does the active kid have to hear the Bible story from a chair instead of from the floor where he can wiggle a little but still listen? God will use his energy for great things one day unless we convince him that he has no place in church unless he changes and learns to sit in the wooden chairs.

God’s gifts start showing up early in life. Offer children as many opportunities as you can to learn and grow. But I hope we don’t heap guilt on a child that just doesn’t fit into our favorite program at church. We need singers and the audience; we need artists and art enthusiasts; we need builders and those who worship in the buildings.

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He was not a bully!

Bullying has made the headlines across our nation over the past few years. The news reports have brought us the tragic stories of teens who were bullied and then either took their own lives or retaliated against others. Schools have been confronted with the challenge of addressing the issues surrounding bullying. Parents have had to talk to their kids about the tough issues that can bring deep emotional scars for those who are bullied and those who witness it.

I am a mother who has talked to my children about how to respond to anyone who bullies them and how to respond to and stand with those being bullied. I hope my children never bully another person, and I hope they work to stop any bullying they witness. But what do I do when adults I am around bully others? How do I speak out when acquaintances, even those I worship with, become spiteful in their speech and online posts? I wrestle with that issue.

This post is addressed to my fellow Christians who may not even realize that they are doing what we ask our youth not to do. And this post is written to me that I may always remember to post only respectful, loving, encouraging, positive posts that will help “love people into the Kingdom” rather than alienate them from me.

Jesus was not a bully. He was not weak–he was a strong man who stood bravely for the truth that he proclaimed. He never backed down from truth and never gave in to the pressures of this world. But he never bullied anyone. He never called them names, joked about them behind their backs, gossiped about them on his journeys with disciples or drew cartoons of them in the dirt to make “his people” laugh at “others.” He never even separated the world into “his kind” and “others.” He disagreed with certain beliefs and practices. He broke certain traditions he disagreed with. But he never bullied anyone with unkind speech or actions.

I saw a post recently of a poster someone created using the image of popular cartoon character. The words had the character making fun of people on welfare, particularly food stamps. The post offended me deeply. I am not on food stamps, but I know some people who are. They are kind, loving people who do not deserve a post like that being aimed at them. So you may say, “Well, I am aiming that at the other people who abuse the system.”

Would Jesus have done that? No. He shared a meal with all people–he invited all people to his table. He would have listened. He would have loved. He walked with sinners–and I know that I, too, am a sinner. How can I ask him to love me if I can’t love another person who is also a sinner?

I find no record in Scripture of Jesus making fun of any group of people–even those he disagreed with. He loved. He loved the tax collector even before the tax collector admitted that he cheated people. He loved the woman at the well even before she changed her ways. That woman was despised by the very people Jesus worshipped with. She carried the labels that made her an outcast. Jesus loved her. Can you imagine Jesus laughing at a cartoon that was aimed at a woman with five previous husbands and was now living with someone out of wedlock? I can’t. He talked lovingly to her even though many others would have joked about her.

We are being bullies when we post jokes aimed at any individual or groups of people. We are doing what we ask teens not to. If a teen knew a classmate was on food stamps and had hung that cartoon I saw on the classmate’s locker, we would call that bullying. When we post it on social media as adults, we call it funny and say we are speaking up for our beliefs.

This post is not designed to bring up any political discussions about welfare programs or political programs to change them. If you turn it into that, you have missed the point. I am asking all of us to think about our words and actions carefully. Line them up with Jesus’ words and actions and see where we stand. I fall short most days. I admit that. That is why I pray and study Scripture and try to hold myself accountable. So I, therefore, am not judging any of you who read this and wonder if your posts would have also hurt me.

I am just asking that we work to stop the negativity and the hurtful words we so easily toss around on the Internet in the name of humor. Jesus was not a bully. Let’s not be as adults, either.