poetry

by

Knowing and Unknowing

There’s a moment

just before sunset

when I think of people I know

who might also think of me

at the end of a day

and remember something sentimental

about moments we shared together

but then I watch the dusk turn to dark

and see the stars appear above me

and think of the unknown they

are existing in trillions of miles away

from this speck in space that I call home

and I think of all the unknowns in life

 and I think of all the unknowns within me

and I wish that people who saw my sorrows

from old scars and new grief also knew my joys

from three-hour conversations with women

who know how to laugh and heal and

sit with their own power to small brunches

with books and family photos shared

and those who knew my joys also

knew how cherished they were

because of the scars I hide from

all who try to draw near

and I wish people knew

how to unknow all about me

that they got wrong when

they interpreted my life

through the lens of their own

experiences while retreating to

their own comfort zones

and I wish they could see

the stars shine on me now

even though some know my faults

better than they ever knew my strengths

and I keep a distance from most people

because of the scars from the ones

who hurt me the most without ever

saying they were sorry

and I let people catch glimpses of me

just as these stars are peeking through

their own places in the night sky

but I let no one close enough to

see what makes me uniquely me

and I let words be my best friends

as a poet does and I share my soul

with the pages before me

and forget that I was

wishing upon a star

that I might be known by some

or forgotten by others

or remembered

with love

or seen

as me

—Chris Pepple c2025

by

Reflections or Reality

For most of my life

I have existed only

in the minds of others

as those closest to me

projected their dreams

or their fears onto me

and defined me by

their own ideas of who I am

and I became a reflection

of other people

rather than fleshing out

my own identity

and knowing which

ideals and hopes

and dreams I truly embodied

or which ones were handed to me

as gifts wrapped with barbs

of control and unacceptance

hoping I could be changed into

a worthy accessory to complement

your own wardrobe of fading aspirations

and broken paths that never led

to a place that filled your own desires for

becoming something more or different

than who you were born to be

and I disappointed so many

when I healed the scars you left behind

and found myself hidden in places

you had not allowed me to journey to

because you could not release me

to find my truths and claim my words

and discover that I was more worthy

than you wanted me to know

and I looked to see me and

found the healed and hungry soul

waiting for me to open the doors

hope had been offering me a key to

so I could name myself and hold onto

the words and beliefs that had taken root

in my mind and defined who I now could

break free and be…look to see me…

—Chris Pepple 2025

by

elements of life

the elements of life

the building blocks of life

start so small…

elements we cannot see

that link together

to turn the simple into the complex,

the atom into the molecule

into the structure into life…

we rose from the nothingness

to find we are living organisms

breathing, growing, changing

from the basic elements

that we deem essential

but we look inward

and then gaze outward and

see that we are so much more

than what can be measured

with microscopes or tests…

the elements of our lives

include thoughts and feelings,

the body and the mind and the spirit,

ourselves and our surroundings,

the fire and the water

that both baptize us and form us

and inspire us and cleanse us

and light the way and wash away,

and burn and heal…

we weave together

matter and time,

nonexistence and existence,

birth and death,

darkness and light and shadows,

hope and love,

and love

and love

© 2022 by Chris Pepple

from Elements Of Life

by

Every Now and Then

Every Now and Then

Every now and then I look ahead

and smile with joy at the hopes I see

where everyone in the land is living free

and hate is so faint that its power

has all but been erased

and I look at the present

and know that we are setting the pace

for equality to be reality

and for love to win

and I look back and see the faces

of those who cleared the path

for our today

where progress is real

and hope is embraced

and courage is clearly carrying us,

and I pause and say thank you

to Harvey Milk for the courage

to run and to serve and

to speak louder than those

wanting his voice to fade

and I see the steps of

Marsha Johnson and Sylvia Rivera

leading to the STAR house

and the hope that lived there

and I hear the voice of Barbara Gittings

who didn’t back down from the fight

to declare the worthiness of herself

and all whom she walked with

on the journey to demand

visibility and respect

and I read the words of Audre Lorde

who confronted injustices and disrespect

and was targeted for her race, her gender,

her class, and her sexuality

yet she persisted and wrote

to leave us all a legacy of

knowing better and doing better

and naming the wrong and claiming the hope

and I think of the teachings of Sue Sanders

and the strength of Lady Phyll

and know that we can

embrace their courage

and amplify their voices

and pick up the torch passed to us

so that what they began

will continue and

the path of love and hope

will change our tomorrows

and bring about the dreams

those before us could envision…

for the courage

for the hope

for the love

we honor the past

we stand strong today

and we hope for tomorrow

—Chris Pepple © 2023

by

Darkness and Light

I am reminded by multiple friends this week that we are in a season of reflection on our move from light to darkness, fear to hope, grief to renewal.

Several acquaintances celebrated Purim this weekend, reminding me of the story of people moving from fear of annihilation to a moment of salvation. The story of Esther reminds us that an entire group of people were targeted for bullying and death, yet courage and faith brought another outcome.

My Christian friends are walking through Holy Week this week. They will face the story of the death of Jesus, the darkness of the tomb, and the hope of light and resurrection on the other side.

My friends who walk closely with nature are seeing the natural world awaken from the darkness and the cold of winter, finding a renewal through the light of spring and the warmth it will bring.

A young student studying Taoism reminded me that spring helps us to find a balance in life…a balance between light and darkness, cold and heat, stagnancy and movement so that we can find our own place of renewal and strength.

My friends and loved ones in the LGBTQ+ community are searching to find the light in these dark times…looking for hope against all of the laws that are trying to erase their identity. My transgender friends and loved ones face bullying and hate and uncertainty daily on so many levels, often coming from people they thought they could trust…their church friends, their neighbors, their teachers, their elected leaders.

Sometimes we find ourselves in darkness…in times of grief…in times of pain…in times of having a broken heart. We find ourselves torn away from the known and walking through uncertainty. We often can’t return to what we originally saw as light. We can’t go back to the same journey we were on. We are different. The times are different. But hope means there’s a new path waiting for us, a path where we will find love and peace and be able to shine that love and peace for others still searching.

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by

Feeling Broken

There are times when we are struggling and feel broken. I have had to learn not to let the feeling of brokenness define me or defeat me, but I did want to acknowledge the feeling that arises at times. It’s a powerful emotion that can lie to us and make us feel so unworthy. It is also a tool others try to use against us. People sometimes use their words or their privilege to label us as broken or unworthy, to isolate us or justify their own actions against us. I do strongly believe that self-examination is important so that we can grow—so that we can move away from habits that hinder our growth—so that we can mature and gain wisdom. I am a lifelong learner who has apologized for actions taken when I didn’t know better. I have acknowledged that I have a lot to learn in life still. I listen more and love more. I will not, however, let anyone including myself ever make me feel unworthy.

Feeling Broken

You were ‘precious one’

until you fell

because they say

you cannot be

precious and learning

precious and falling

and having to get back up

and precious and getting

life wrong again and again

and having to say I’m sorry

so many times

that the tears choke out

your words and

break your heart

because you

see your mistakes

piled so high

that they cover

the good you

had in your heart

every time

you got knocked down

and have to get back up

and back up

and back up

until people

forget to see the strength

in rising

and the hope in learning

and the courage in facing

your mistakes

and no matter how many times

you learn

and get back up

and say you’re sorry

and feel shame burning

through your soul

you will always

know the words

Precious One

were never really

meant for you

and you cry

alone

and never let

them see your tears

and never let

your brokenness show

again

knowing

you felt too broken

to fix

and too broken

to love

—Chris Pepple ©2024

by

Fruits of My Labor

Fruits of My Labor

I remember the first time

I baptized my soul

with the juice from 

the freshly picked blackberry 

that covered my tongue 

when my teeth broke 

through its flesh

and pulled the druplets

away from the whole…

I followed the new awareness

of the delight of the fruit before me

with the sweetness of a plum 

grown on my own land

against all odds as I 

learned to nurture the soil

and tame the tangle of weeds

that tried to devour my progress

and frustrate my soul 

as I worked to bring life

to what was buried beneath 

an almost unforgiving neglect 

of what should have been 

cherished as home 

and could still be 

the holder of hope,

and I remembered the witness

of those who taught me

to survive and to love

the feel of dirt moving 

through my hands

as I worked to understand

what I would devour

and what would try 

to devour me…

—Chris Pepple ©2022