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Knowing and Unknowing

There’s a moment

just before sunset

when I think of people I know

who might also think of me

at the end of a day

and remember something sentimental

about moments we shared together

but then I watch the dusk turn to dark

and see the stars appear above me

and think of the unknown they

are existing in trillions of miles away

from this speck in space that I call home

and I think of all the unknowns in life

 and I think of all the unknowns within me

and I wish that people who saw my sorrows

from old scars and new grief also knew my joys

from three-hour conversations with women

who know how to laugh and heal and

sit with their own power to small brunches

with books and family photos shared

and those who knew my joys also

knew how cherished they were

because of the scars I hide from

all who try to draw near

and I wish people knew

how to unknow all about me

that they got wrong when

they interpreted my life

through the lens of their own

experiences while retreating to

their own comfort zones

and I wish they could see

the stars shine on me now

even though some know my faults

better than they ever knew my strengths

and I keep a distance from most people

because of the scars from the ones

who hurt me the most without ever

saying they were sorry

and I let people catch glimpses of me

just as these stars are peeking through

their own places in the night sky

but I let no one close enough to

see what makes me uniquely me

and I let words be my best friends

as a poet does and I share my soul

with the pages before me

and forget that I was

wishing upon a star

that I might be known by some

or forgotten by others

or remembered

with love

or seen

as me

—Chris Pepple c2025

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Solace in Nature

“I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” –Anne Frank

Today, I shared the path with deer pausing to study me as I studied them…I met the sun at the end of the path closing the day with one more glimmering moment of hopeful brilliance… I found remnants of winter’s dance across the land and found the determination of spring rising through the thawing soil…and I breathed deeply and carried the memories with me to remind me of the solace there until I could return…

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American Dream 2025

I keep seeing so much about politics and projects planned for our nation after the next election. People are grasping for power as if power will bring them joy or peace. Power over people only leads to despair and an emptiness that creates a craving for even more power because what was sought after doesn’t lead to fulfillment of any type. Power with people is what brings a stronger nation full of potential and hope. Power with people opens doors for all people to bring their creativity and ideas to the table. This leads to new innovations for problems we all face. This leads to beauty filling art galleries and music halls. This leads to medical research that brings hope to those who suffer. This leads to hope for all people.

Here’s a dream for America in 2025:

I have a hope that the sayings expressed in the beatitudes are breathed into life here on earth in this nation. May the poor in spirit, those who mourn, and those who are meek find blessings here in this nation. May we all be bearers of hope and comfort and respect. May those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and those who are merciful and pure in heart see the fruits of their labor growing and strengthening this nation. May the peacemakers know their efforts have truly brought peace to a divided land. May those who are persecuted find healing as they continue their good works.

I have a hope that the vision of our founders comes true. I hope that the dreams of the Anglicans, Baptists, Catholics, Congregationalists, German Pietists, Lutherans, Methodists, Jews, Mennonites, Moravians, and Quakers come true as they worked to build a nation free from religious rule. I hope the example of those who walked this land together knowing that they could each practice their religious beliefs and that they would not be forced to follow the beliefs of others inspire us to seek the wisdom they saw in embracing religious diversity and allowing others to seek God or their own spiritual path as they journey in life.

I have a hope that we will truly define our nation by the freedom we grant to all people. We will not hoard freedom in our own circles as if it is a limited commodity. We will see that freeing all people only strengthens our nation because we are showing the world what true strength and power look like. It looks like people standing together and working together without pulling others down. It looks like a place where all people are safe and can embrace their own identities and live and work and play without fear of being judged. A free nation is a healthy nation. A land of freedom means hope for all people. A land of freedom means we can work together to create a strong economy and healthcare system for all people to then thrive rather than just fight to survive. Let freedom ring throughout all the land.

I have a hope that we will be a wise nation. I hope that we will wisely examine our own prejudices so we can address what holds us back from following the ideals of freedom and justice and mercy. I hope that we will seek answers to the healthcare crisis in our nation and to the financial failures moving through our land. I hope that we will listen to the voices at the table and be willing to learn from each other. No one has all the answers. Together, though, we can find a path forward that will offer hope and stability and safety and beauty to our land…to all people in our land. We will be life-long learners who embrace exploring scientific studies and fund research and honestly explore history seeking accuracy and finding the stories that have been buried behind myths and wishful thinking.

I have a hope that we will be willing to address the mental health crisis in our nation. We have become a land where violence and abuse and despair flow from our communities because we lack resources to help people find answers and find healing.

I have a hope that we will care for the weakest in our land…that we will build communities that don’t take away from the strength of others but that do care for those people whose disabilities limit how they can care for themselves. I hope we care for those in need of medical resources. I hope we care for those who are lonely or scared or facing dementia and Alzheimer’s.

I have a hope that we will learn to care for this beautiful land we call home so the land can thrive as much as we can. I have a hope that we will keep our waters clean and our air pure. I have a hope that our parks will thrive and our natural lands be nurtured. I have a hope that our animals in this land will be treated with respect and cared for as part of our communities. We will fund our shelters and care for those pets who need to be re-homed. I have a hope that we are never the reason for the extinction of any species.

I have a hope that love wins and that everyone sees the beauty in that statement.

I have a hope that we work with other nations to bring global stability without the need for war. I have a hope that we help stop the need for killing so we can claim a power that is only fleeting anyway. I have a hope that we will help bring freedom and stability to other nations so that our world can be a place where hate and hurting stops, where peace and hope flow, and where all people of all identities and all genders and all races and all nationalities and all ages and all sizes and all levels of abilities are respected and granted access to resources needed to live out their days safely and surrounded by love.

What I know is possible…we can end gun violence. We can end domestic violence. We can work through and end prejudices. We can bring healing to those struggling physically and emotionally and mentally. We can stand together to build safer communities where racism is no longer real. We can offer equal rights to the entire LGBTQ+ community. We can create safe communities, including schools and hospitals and offices, for all transgender people. We can be stronger together.

Keep the hope alive in 2025.

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grief

words fail

hearts break

nothingness seeps

into hurting spaces

stillness scares us

because memories

return that

bring us to our knees

we lose our compass

our sense of direction

we wander

without

immediate purpose

then we stop

and wonder

about all we

are afraid

we will forget

and go through

motions

as if routine

will bring back

the familiar

and fill

the empty space

where you

once were

but the familiar

no longer exists

on this journey

with uncertainty

and loss our

newest companions

through grief

as we wonder

what hope

and love will

look like

and if we will

see them again

—Chris Pepple ©2024

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A Poem: Anyway

Anyway

When I felt broken

and invisible and was dismayed, 

you reached out anyway. 

I have no words to ever repay, 

but I will say thank you

to the one who loved me anyway…

the one who saw me through,

and believed in me

and believed me

and saw me

and reached out your hand

and held on

and embodied grace and love

and spoke louder than the pain

and refused to fear my scars

and refused to chatter away

with the gossipers erasing truth

and constructing tales that fit

their life’s narrative rather than mine

Thank you…

to the one who loved me anyway.

When we feel broken,

love anyway.

–Chris Pepple ©2022

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Worthy

Worthy

To the unseen trailblazers

who make their way

through uncharted territory

to break chains of abuse

that others claimed to never see,

who walk alone and hungry,

tired and broken at times,

you are worthy and courageous

and I see you

and I know your pain

of being shamed

when sharing truth,

of being outcast

and denied seats at tables

because you are blamed

and named and called untamed

and unworthy to be in the presence

of those who deem themselves better

and use their judgment as an excuse

to leave you alone and hungry and hurting

as you carry your children on your shoulders

to save them from the hate of the one

who wants you defeated and controlled,

but you rose up and spoke your “no”

and cleared a trail out of the horrors

of the life others said you deserved.

And by your strength,

a path has been cleared

that others can now see,

and a new hope

has risen in the souls

of those forgotten

in a world

that rests in comfort.

You are worthy,

wounded warrior

whose scars remind you

never to turn back.

One step more,

one step more,

one step more.

Chains are breaking.

Hope is rising.

One step more.

–Chris Pepple. ©2022

http://www.chrispepple.com

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In the Middle

I’m sitting here in the middle waiting for you to join me at the table…

I’m in the middle hoping to protect all police officers as you asked…are you willing to stand with me as I work to protect black lives?

I’m in the middle hearing you say that you want to worship and hold on to your religious beliefs from your tradition…are you willing to allow me to worship and believe according to my traditions?

I’m in the middle hearing you say that you never want an LGBTQ+ person in your home or church…are you willing to give me the right to have them marry in my church and live freely without threats from you in public spaces?

I’m in the middle serving you in restaurants and in stores even though we disagree on many things…are you willing to serve me and all of my friends in your bakeries and restaurants and stores?

I’m here in the middle hearing you declare your love for your homeland…can you hear me say that I also love our country even though I see our imperfections and am working to make us a place that is safe for all people including you?

I’m here in the middle sitting at the community table with my friends and family who are Native American, Black, gay, lesbian, transgender, white, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, atheist, agnostic, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, mixed race, nonbinary, refugee, immigrant, Southern, young, old

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Rocks and Watermelon Seeds

f you are following my podcast on iTunes or SoundCloud (Look to See Me by Chris Pepple), you can find some of the transcripts of my episodes here.

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Rocks and Watermelon Seeds

Hi, Listeners! I hope you are all hanging in there this week. I know we are in the middle of some stressful and uncertain times. I do welcome you, though, this season of Look to See Me, a podcast that invites you to look closer at the lives of people around you and to take time to hear their stories. I’m Chris Pepple, and today I’m going to talk about what matters in life sometimes. We are all faced with so many choices this year—choices that not only affect our lives, but that also affect the lives of people around us. I am sentimental and during these times reflect upon the small things that make such a huge difference in life when we are faced with so much brokenness. I also love writing and like to use fiction to reflect upon reality. Today I’m going to share a short story that I wrote many years ago. I chose this story today because, with everything else going on in the news these days, some stories are being repeated over and over again. The particular stories I’m talking about here are stories of domestic abuse. Stories of women losing their lives when they had already warned people they were being abused. Stories of women leaving and struggling financially. 

I hope this story reminds us to be the bearers of hope and love for people. I hope this story reminds us to sit at the table with people and really listen. I hope this story reminds us how important love is. Yes, we need people to help fight legal battles and stand up to bring changes to our healthcare industry so medical debt isn’t so overwhelming. We need people to be allies and stand with us in court. We need people to help us find financial assistance to get our feet on the ground. But love also matters. When we are weary from the battles, we need to feel loved at the end of the day. All people need to feel loved. All people. Love heals. 

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ROCKS AND WATERMELON SEEDS

         I can’t believe Katelyn is moving. She has lived in this tiny apartment for six years with her two girls. I still remember the day they moved in. It sure was a hot one. I think we went through three pitchers of lemonade that day. Moving her in was easy in some ways. She didn’t have much at all. We had fun organizing it, though, and deciding which picture should hang in which room. 

         Six years ago, I really wasn’t sure she was going to make it. Trying to get away from her husband had been a rough process. It was hard for me to accept how difficult it could be to get away from an abusive person. The process of leaving, though, had wiped out her finances, her energy and her self-esteem. When she moved into the Mountain View apartments, she had very few resources to rely on. 

         “I’m glad I can rely on you,” she said as she smiled at the end of the moving day. My thoughts were betraying her, though, even as she spoke. I didn’t think she was going to make it. 

         I remember when the girls first saw their new apartment. They thought they were rich.

         “Look,” Emily squealed, “we live in a place with two swimming pools. And it’s a huge building. There’s even a playground here.”

         “We live close to bunnies,” Emma giggled as she watched two bunnies hop just out of sight of their patio. I had picked out this place for them because it seemed so tranquil, just the opposite of the chaos they were fleeing from. It felt good to see them smiling even though I knew all three were nervous about the move and all of the changes they faced in their lives.

         The first few months seemed to move so slowly. Katelyn struggled to get a job and find childcare for the girls. Affordable childcare seemed impossible to find. I kept the girls for her as much as I could, and she managed to hire somewhat affordable sitters for the other days. She finally got on as a teacher’s aide in a private school nearby. With the help of a few people from the community, she enrolled the girls there so they could all be together. They needed that so much. It was a gift to all three of them just to have those worries lifted off their shoulders. 

         I still wondered if Katelyn was going to make it, though. She had so much to learn about life. Her questions were endless at times. I swayed between wanting to teach her and wanting her to shut up at times. Her needs and her questions overwhelmed me every once in a while. I tried to hang in there with her, though. 

         “Teach me how to do their hair,” Katelyn asked one day.

         “Sure, we’ll do it one day,” I responded as I kept picking up books the girls had been reading. When I looked up, Katelyn was sitting patiently with a brush. I realized she meant right then. She was trying to get them ready for their open house at school. I knew Emily and Emma’s hair usually needed brushing, but it had never dawned on me that Katelyn had never been shown how to really take care of their hair. I remembered some old barrettes I had in my daughter’s room. I brought those down and we spent the next half hour making each girl look and feel adorable. We were all giggling when we were done. 

         The next few years seemed to pass quickly. Katelyn worked so hard to keep her family going and growing. She babysat for neighbors a couple of evenings a week so she could set aside a little money for the future. She usually managed to get through each month even though it was a struggle at times. I grew to love my time with her girls. I actually began to look forward to their days off from school so we could sneak away to the library or the park. 

         I also learned to handle Katelyn’s questions a lot better. At times, I can even say I enjoyed them. It was fun to see her learn. When we were apart, I always came back and shared my adventures with all three of them. I brought back books and CDs for them when I traveled. 

         Even though Katelyn always seemed appreciative for what I did, it never seemed enough to me. I wanted to do so much more. If I could have three wishes, I would have wished for Katelyn more money to survive on, more time to rest, and more chances to travel with her girls. I never could make all of their problems disappear, though. Katelyn still faced legal issues because of her ex-husband. He seemed to be constantly trying to disrupt their lives with more of his abuse. She had old legal and medical bills to pay. She never had enough time to rest or enough money to really be comfortable. I always felt like I was failing them somehow.

         Now she has saved up enough to move a little closer to work and in a slightly bigger apartment. I came over today to help pack, but never dreamed of what I would hold in my hands—rocks and watermelon seeds in plastic bags with a ribbon tied on to each one. A neatly written note was inside of each bag.

         “Rocks from Maine, 2001. I can’t believe Grace thought of me on her trip. Being remembered is the sweetest gift of all.”

         “Rocks from Colorado, 2003. When Grace looked out across the mountains, she fell in love with the view and brought part of it back for me. She cared enough to share with me what she saw. Sharing memories is a wonderful gift.”

         “Rocks from Switzerland, 2004. No matter how far she goes, she never forgets me. She could have walked away so many times. These rocks remind me of the beauty of the landscapes she can see and of the beauty of the friendship she shares with me.”

         “Watermelon seeds, 2000. Grace bought us a watermelon—first one in our new home. Emma, Emily and I decided to dry and keep the seeds. The watermelon made us all smile. It was the perfect gift for us. I hope one day we plant seeds of love and joy just like Grace does for us. That’s what I want to teach my girls.”

         The bags had been stored in a shoebox. On the lid, Katelyn had written, “Rocks and watermelon seeds—all a person needs in life. With these, I know I can make it now. We’re really going to make it.”

         I slipped one watermelon seed out of the bag and into my pocket. Having it there made me feel very loved by the three people that I didn’t think I had helped enough. I put the shoebox in my car to take on to their new home. Yes, they are really going to make it now. Maybe they already have. 

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Your challenge for the week: Think about who you can offer love to. What simple gifts can you offer someone that could be very meaningful in their life? Do you offer love that heals? Maybe you can help change lives one small moment at a time. Offer love to those in your community. This story message doesn’t just apply to domestic violence victims. Offer love to someone of a different race or a different viewpoint. Offer kindness and loving gestures to someone in the LGBTQ+ community. To someone of a different religion. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of my Look to See Me Podcast. If this is meaningful to you or you enjoyed it, please leave a review and share with others. I hope you return for my next episode. 

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Happy Pride Month

Happy #pride month…

When I say this, it’s not a political statement…there’s no secret agenda to hope to convert the entire world and turn everyone gay…I’m not ignoring God or Scripture…oh, the silly things people tell me. 

For me, it’s a statement of faith that God is the creator of all people and of all love…

It’s a statement of love for the people who are my family and friends…

It’s a statement of beauty…for the sweet weddings in the LGBTQ+ community…for the warm smiles shared…for the family moments…for the friendships made…for the births celebrated…for the homes built and the art created and the dances danced and the hugs shared.

It’s a statement reflecting my appreciation for all members of the LGBTQ+ community who are nurses, doctors, soldiers, police officers, lawyers, social workers, pharmacists, dentists, teachers, researchers, preachers, and a thousand other careers. 

It’s a statement of thanks for the people who have befriended me and cared and sent love and offered prayers and included me in their lives. 

It’s a statement of hope that one day the hate and the bullying and the taunts and the disrespect will end…that true equality will be a reality. 

Love wins. God loves you. Others can’t define you. They may try to politically strip you of your identity and your rights, but I will stand with you when you speak, vote for equal rights in every election, face hate head on with you, and love deeply, respect you, and always know we are better together. 

This Mama Bear loves you and sends virtual 🤗 hugs to you. Happy #pride