Memphis Memories and a Patriot’s Daughter

I’m a lifelong learner. I love digging through history to find people who inspire me…hearing about new dinosaur fossils being discovered around the world…reading poems, short stories, and novels that make me think and draw me into the story so deeply that I feel part of the author’s created world.

While reading some notes about some of the people buried in a historic cemetery in my area, I recently learned something about my own hometown. I did not know that Dorothea Spotswood “Dolly” Henry Winston, the daughter of Patrick and Dorothea Henry once lived in Memphis. She’s buried in Elmwood Cemetery, so you can visit her grave if you visit. She was born in Williamsburg, Virginia, on August 2, 1778, and died in Memphis, Tennessee, at age 75 on June 17, 1854, at the home of her daughter.

Though her father’s words are easy to find, I couldn’t find much information about her life outside of Virginia, but I decided to write a short story (historical fiction) that introduces you to a little bit of her story.

Liberty and Lunch

By Chris Pepple ©2026

I gathered my belongings and stepped onto the deck of the steamboat. The awe-inspiring monster I traveled on offered me a quick way to reach my daughter and her husband in Memphis as it billowed smoke as if a dragon deciding whether it would protect or devour me along the journey. As I felt the churning of the waves of the Mighty Mississippi lapping at the edge of the boat, I prayed daily to myself: Dear Lord, keep the fires of this dragon contained in its own boilers. Help us avoid the fires that have taken the lives of other travelers.

Here I was, a woman in my 70s, on a new adventure that I had not seen coming. I had eaten my breakfast this morning on this vessel, trying not to think about what was ahead. Now, as I stared at the bluffs and the shoreline I would soon reach, I closed my eyes and thought back to the place I thought I would spend my final days—Red Hill, Virginia. I could picture our modest main house with my father proudly walking in to greet his family. I could smell the flowers blooming, hear my siblings laughing, and feel the wind blowing through the Osage orange tree.

I opened my eyes and saw the reality of the cobblestones and mud on the banks before me. I could hear the workers preparing for us to disembark. So many were excited to be landing in this growing city, but I saw nothing before me that felt comforting.

“Are you Dolly?” I heard a voice behind me calling out.

“Excuse me?” Dolly? Who knows me here to call me by that name? I surely have no friend here yet.

“Sorry, Ma’am. Are you Mrs. Dorothea Henry Winston?”

“Yes,” I replied, feeling tired and wanting to find someone familiar.

“Your daughter left me instructions to assist you off the boat and up the hill to her husband’s waiting wagon.”

I nodded. Elvira and James had been so kind to me over the past few years. After George died twenty-one years ago, I felt a bit lost. Grief over his death and the loss of four of our children through the years seemed to be a constant companion. Now—well, another change loomed before me. I accepted the help off the steamboat, not wanting to slip on the cobblestones or fall off the planks and into the mud that seemed to prey on this landing as if one more layer would swallow it forever. Memphis—my new home with my daughter and her family.

“Dolly, you made it!” my son-in-law called out, being one who could call me Dolly. “I hope your trip went well.”

“So good to see you, James,” I replied as he reached for my bags. “I’ll hold on to this one. It has a few special items in it.” I held that all the way to the home Elvira and James had been preparing for us to live in. They arrived months earlier to have things ready. I entered the house and could feel the care they had both put into it, hoping it would begin to feel like home to me. I had been away from Virginia for years—moving with them to Alabama after George died—but had always hoped to make my way back there for my final days. This house would have to do instead.

“Mother, let’s invite a few ladies over for lunch,” Elvira said two weeks into my stay at our new house. “We could have some chicken or rabbit with biscuits and some okra or greens.”

“It’s time I became a bit more social, I suppose. If we do that, I’d like to use something special at the table. Wait while I get it.” I went to my room and pulled out the only unpacked bag I had left. I pulled out two cloths with items wrapped in them. I smiled as I held them in my hands.

I went back out to our dining table and placed the cloths before Elvira. “These should be with you now,” I said as I unwrapped the largest cloth. Elvira gasped as she saw the items before her—eight sterling silver shell-patterned pistol handled knives, with eight matching three-pronged forks, and eight spoons.

“Mother, where did you get these?” she asked as she ran her fingers over the knife handles, admiring the craftsmanship.

“I’ve had these for years. Brought them from Red Hill when I left. I just never unpacked them. They were part of a wedding gift from my mother and father, handed down from our family,” I answered, once again closing my eyes and thinking of my parents and our homes in Virginia.

“What’s in the other cloth?”

“A tea cup,” I said as I pulled out a small china cup with its high handle and pink flowers with shamrock green leaves. “This is still mine for now. It reminds me of both the fragility and the beauty in life.” I paused before adding, “I think I’ll rinse this and make myself some tea now.”

Three days later, I admired the silverware as we sat around the table with women of various ages who were dear to Elvira and would become dear to me—mothers and daughters facing this growing port city together.

“I feel like I’m sitting with royalty,” Mrs. Thompson said, looking in my direction. “Tell us more about your family. I’ve read about your father a bit.”

“Well, I certainly don’t feel like royalty. Our lives are all of equal importance. Our joys and sorrows are equally felt and shared.”

“But you’re the daughter of Patrick Henry. That name’s known through all of the states—a founding father and a Virginia governor.”

“To me he was simply ‘Father.’ My mother and my father taught me how to read and how to listen, how to find my true self and how to respect the lives of others. I grew up in a house full of love and full of a desire to learn. I suppose his life is that of an American patriot who will be talked about when people pen the history of our nation, but to me he’ll be remembered for all of our long walks and our evening talks.”

“You’re lucky to have been educated and given so many opportunities in life,” a young woman who was sitting near Elvira said. “I’ve been farming for so long that I can’t even remember the last time I walked into a school room or held a book in my hand. Tell me more about what’s happening in other parts of the country and the political discussions I hear when I’m at the general store.”

“I can do more than tell you,” I said as I pardoned myself from the table and went into my room. I came back with three books and some letters tied together with a ribbon. “Here are some of my father’s letters I kept that talk about all that he worked for in this nation—the Bill of Rights he wanted to ensure we all had. I also have a few books that might interest you. The letters can be read here, but you can borrow the books. I’m having even more shipped in soon.”

“Liberties and freedom—people are still arguing about that today. Who has which liberties and who is truly free,” Mrs. Thompson added. “I try to focus on more basic matters such as what our church families face and what food needs to be put on the table. Illness runs through this town so often. Focusing on freedom isn’t going to cure or feed any of us.”

The conversation continued about the importance of speaking out for the rights of all people in our growing nation while also working to feed our families and provide medical care for our communities.

The lunch turned into a weekly occurrence with new faces joining us each week. When the weather was nice, we picnicked out back. With the cold or rain, we filled every chair in the house and filled our tables with food from each family.

During one lunch more than a year later, I looked at our group and said, “My father once wrote, ‘My earnest wish is that Christian charity, forbearance and love may unite all different persuasions as brethren.’ I truly wish that as well. You have made me feel at home here, though I longed to be back in my family home in Virginia. You gave me a purpose and a hope through these lunches—that my father’s wish for all people to be respected in this nation will still be something others are willing to stand for today.”

Maybe Dorothea Spotswood “Dolly” Henry Winston started the Memphis tradition of gathering for book club discussions and creating space for diverse beliefs to share a meal and remember what her father hoped for.

American Dream 2025

I keep seeing so much about politics and projects planned for our nation after the next election. People are grasping for power as if power will bring them joy or peace. Power over people only leads to despair and an emptiness that creates a craving for even more power because what was sought after doesn’t lead to fulfillment of any type. Power with people is what brings a stronger nation full of potential and hope. Power with people opens doors for all people to bring their creativity and ideas to the table. This leads to new innovations for problems we all face. This leads to beauty filling art galleries and music halls. This leads to medical research that brings hope to those who suffer. This leads to hope for all people.

Here’s a dream for America in 2025:

I have a hope that the sayings expressed in the beatitudes are breathed into life here on earth in this nation. May the poor in spirit, those who mourn, and those who are meek find blessings here in this nation. May we all be bearers of hope and comfort and respect. May those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and those who are merciful and pure in heart see the fruits of their labor growing and strengthening this nation. May the peacemakers know their efforts have truly brought peace to a divided land. May those who are persecuted find healing as they continue their good works.

I have a hope that the vision of our founders comes true. I hope that the dreams of the Anglicans, Baptists, Catholics, Congregationalists, German Pietists, Lutherans, Methodists, Jews, Mennonites, Moravians, and Quakers come true as they worked to build a nation free from religious rule. I hope the example of those who walked this land together knowing that they could each practice their religious beliefs and that they would not be forced to follow the beliefs of others inspire us to seek the wisdom they saw in embracing religious diversity and allowing others to seek God or their own spiritual path as they journey in life.

I have a hope that we will truly define our nation by the freedom we grant to all people. We will not hoard freedom in our own circles as if it is a limited commodity. We will see that freeing all people only strengthens our nation because we are showing the world what true strength and power look like. It looks like people standing together and working together without pulling others down. It looks like a place where all people are safe and can embrace their own identities and live and work and play without fear of being judged. A free nation is a healthy nation. A land of freedom means hope for all people. A land of freedom means we can work together to create a strong economy and healthcare system for all people to then thrive rather than just fight to survive. Let freedom ring throughout all the land.

I have a hope that we will be a wise nation. I hope that we will wisely examine our own prejudices so we can address what holds us back from following the ideals of freedom and justice and mercy. I hope that we will seek answers to the healthcare crisis in our nation and to the financial failures moving through our land. I hope that we will listen to the voices at the table and be willing to learn from each other. No one has all the answers. Together, though, we can find a path forward that will offer hope and stability and safety and beauty to our land…to all people in our land. We will be life-long learners who embrace exploring scientific studies and fund research and honestly explore history seeking accuracy and finding the stories that have been buried behind myths and wishful thinking.

I have a hope that we will be willing to address the mental health crisis in our nation. We have become a land where violence and abuse and despair flow from our communities because we lack resources to help people find answers and find healing.

I have a hope that we will care for the weakest in our land…that we will build communities that don’t take away from the strength of others but that do care for those people whose disabilities limit how they can care for themselves. I hope we care for those in need of medical resources. I hope we care for those who are lonely or scared or facing dementia and Alzheimer’s.

I have a hope that we will learn to care for this beautiful land we call home so the land can thrive as much as we can. I have a hope that we will keep our waters clean and our air pure. I have a hope that our parks will thrive and our natural lands be nurtured. I have a hope that our animals in this land will be treated with respect and cared for as part of our communities. We will fund our shelters and care for those pets who need to be re-homed. I have a hope that we are never the reason for the extinction of any species.

I have a hope that love wins and that everyone sees the beauty in that statement.

I have a hope that we work with other nations to bring global stability without the need for war. I have a hope that we help stop the need for killing so we can claim a power that is only fleeting anyway. I have a hope that we will help bring freedom and stability to other nations so that our world can be a place where hate and hurting stops, where peace and hope flow, and where all people of all identities and all genders and all races and all nationalities and all ages and all sizes and all levels of abilities are respected and granted access to resources needed to live out their days safely and surrounded by love.

What I know is possible…we can end gun violence. We can end domestic violence. We can work through and end prejudices. We can bring healing to those struggling physically and emotionally and mentally. We can stand together to build safer communities where racism is no longer real. We can offer equal rights to the entire LGBTQ+ community. We can create safe communities, including schools and hospitals and offices, for all transgender people. We can be stronger together.

Keep the hope alive in 2025.

Every Now and Then

Every Now and Then

Every now and then I look ahead

and smile with joy at the hopes I see

where everyone in the land is living free

and hate is so faint that its power

has all but been erased

and I look at the present

and know that we are setting the pace

for equality to be reality

and for love to win

and I look back and see the faces

of those who cleared the path

for our today

where progress is real

and hope is embraced

and courage is clearly carrying us,

and I pause and say thank you

to Harvey Milk for the courage

to run and to serve and

to speak louder than those

wanting his voice to fade

and I see the steps of

Marsha Johnson and Sylvia Rivera

leading to the STAR house

and the hope that lived there

and I hear the voice of Barbara Gittings

who didn’t back down from the fight

to declare the worthiness of herself

and all whom she walked with

on the journey to demand

visibility and respect

and I read the words of Audre Lorde

who confronted injustices and disrespect

and was targeted for her race, her gender,

her class, and her sexuality

yet she persisted and wrote

to leave us all a legacy of

knowing better and doing better

and naming the wrong and claiming the hope

and I think of the teachings of Sue Sanders

and the strength of Lady Phyll

and know that we can

embrace their courage

and amplify their voices

and pick up the torch passed to us

so that what they began

will continue and

the path of love and hope

will change our tomorrows

and bring about the dreams

those before us could envision…

for the courage

for the hope

for the love

we honor the past

we stand strong today

and we hope for tomorrow

—Chris Pepple © 2023

The Dance of the Young Spirits

The Dance of the Young Spirits

I sat outside and pondered

all the lives lost and the grief

of all who are left behind

and I listened to the songs of the birds

floating from tree limbs nearby—

Mother Earth inhales my worries and fears

and carries them on dandelion seeds

that will become the hope for new life 

tomorrow—but for today

She exhales the very winds that

touch my soul on these grief-filled days

when sorrow lays heavy in my heart,

but as daybreak nears, I glimpse

a teacher’s smile and outstretched hand

calling to students who are rising

from the wounds they should never

have had to experience, but now

I see their spirits rise among us

and dance before us with a beauty

that only the forever healed can show

and they encircle us and call us forth

to be the ones to join them in

this dance of the spirits

and to sing their names as we move

free from their dance and as we

face the sunrise without them

and decide how we will walk

into the future with the promise

we whispered to them that

no more would have to join their dance

before their time and no more

names would be written into the heart

of Mother Earth who grieves all who fall

into her arms by the hands of another…

Can you see them rising into the morning

and saying their own names as they

move into their forever without

finishing out their todays…

I hear their names and promise

I heard their pleas…

—Chris Pepple ©2022

Losing our country one child at a time..

Losing Our Nation One Child at a Time

America, our wounded land,

where children’s blood runs free

when shooters take their lives away

hiding behind guns so cowardly

America, our wounded land, 

where store clerks and teachers bravely

walk in each day as front-line warriors

while others declare guns make them free

America, our wounded land, 

God shed God’s tears for thee

and weeps for the good 

that is becoming harder to see

America, our wounded land, 

where voices are raised for change immediately

and wise ones know more tears will come

because America is losing her dignity

America, our wounded land, 

where whiners declare their rights selfishly

but the Black and the gay and the “other than me”

are targets for hate and can no longer be free

America, our wounded land, 

I truly grieve for thee…

—Chris Pepple ©2022

To the Women

To the Women

To all the women

in every region of the world,

in every country,

in every city and small town,

I hold you in my thoughts today

and celebrate your identity

and stand with you

in a sisterhood

that knows no bounds…

To the Ukrainian women

holding children and pets

in underground bunkers

and to your women

fighting on the frontlines of war,

I honor you…

To the Russian women

protesting and begging

for an unjust war to end

and who long to see

your sons back home,

I honor you…

To the Polish women

offering homes and hope

and who leave supplies

within reach

and who rock babies

that are not yours

so that another mother

can rest and breathe,

I honor you…

To women who are transgender

and who long to be recognized

and must fight for your rights

and who lose those close to you

because they choose to walk away,

but who build chosen families anyway,

I honor you…

To women who have survived

violence in your homes

and fled from abuse from those

who were supposed to love you,

and to the women still

trapped in unsafe homes,

I honor you…

To the Black women fighting racism

and raising sons and daughters

in this broken world

where people judge you

by the color of your skin,

I honor you…

To the women around the world

in poverty who struggle every day

to find food and shelter,

clean water and clean clothes

and who carry worry with you,

I honor you…

To refugees seeking hope

and who crave safety

and who walk through the unknown

to recreate what is known,

I honor you…

To the Mama Bears

creating safe spaces for your children,

who know that love is love

and who know that all people

regardless of gender or sexual identity

are worthy, 

who build communities for nonbinary, transgender, 

lesbian, gay, bisexual, questioning family members

and who extend your love to others, 

I honor you… 

To all women who take a stand

for what is right and just,

who offer love and hope,

who mentor and guide,

who reach out and who teach,

to the women who climb ladders

and help others climb with you,

who give back

and bring change

and offer hope

and hugs and love,

who hold hands

and touch hearts,

I honor you…

I celebrate our

diverse faiths

and races

and faces,

I celebrate

our dreams

and our successes,

I see our struggles,

I honor our journeys,

I honor you.

–Chris Pepple ©2022

A Poem: Anyway

Anyway

When I felt broken

and invisible and was dismayed, 

you reached out anyway. 

I have no words to ever repay, 

but I will say thank you

to the one who loved me anyway…

the one who saw me through,

and believed in me

and believed me

and saw me

and reached out your hand

and held on

and embodied grace and love

and spoke louder than the pain

and refused to fear my scars

and refused to chatter away

with the gossipers erasing truth

and constructing tales that fit

their life’s narrative rather than mine

Thank you…

to the one who loved me anyway.

When we feel broken,

love anyway.

–Chris Pepple ©2022

Rocks and Watermelon Seeds

f you are following my podcast on iTunes or SoundCloud (Look to See Me by Chris Pepple), you can find some of the transcripts of my episodes here.

**

Rocks and Watermelon Seeds

Hi, Listeners! I hope you are all hanging in there this week. I know we are in the middle of some stressful and uncertain times. I do welcome you, though, this season of Look to See Me, a podcast that invites you to look closer at the lives of people around you and to take time to hear their stories. I’m Chris Pepple, and today I’m going to talk about what matters in life sometimes. We are all faced with so many choices this year—choices that not only affect our lives, but that also affect the lives of people around us. I am sentimental and during these times reflect upon the small things that make such a huge difference in life when we are faced with so much brokenness. I also love writing and like to use fiction to reflect upon reality. Today I’m going to share a short story that I wrote many years ago. I chose this story today because, with everything else going on in the news these days, some stories are being repeated over and over again. The particular stories I’m talking about here are stories of domestic abuse. Stories of women losing their lives when they had already warned people they were being abused. Stories of women leaving and struggling financially. 

I hope this story reminds us to be the bearers of hope and love for people. I hope this story reminds us to sit at the table with people and really listen. I hope this story reminds us how important love is. Yes, we need people to help fight legal battles and stand up to bring changes to our healthcare industry so medical debt isn’t so overwhelming. We need people to be allies and stand with us in court. We need people to help us find financial assistance to get our feet on the ground. But love also matters. When we are weary from the battles, we need to feel loved at the end of the day. All people need to feel loved. All people. Love heals. 

**

ROCKS AND WATERMELON SEEDS

         I can’t believe Katelyn is moving. She has lived in this tiny apartment for six years with her two girls. I still remember the day they moved in. It sure was a hot one. I think we went through three pitchers of lemonade that day. Moving her in was easy in some ways. She didn’t have much at all. We had fun organizing it, though, and deciding which picture should hang in which room. 

         Six years ago, I really wasn’t sure she was going to make it. Trying to get away from her husband had been a rough process. It was hard for me to accept how difficult it could be to get away from an abusive person. The process of leaving, though, had wiped out her finances, her energy and her self-esteem. When she moved into the Mountain View apartments, she had very few resources to rely on. 

         “I’m glad I can rely on you,” she said as she smiled at the end of the moving day. My thoughts were betraying her, though, even as she spoke. I didn’t think she was going to make it. 

         I remember when the girls first saw their new apartment. They thought they were rich.

         “Look,” Emily squealed, “we live in a place with two swimming pools. And it’s a huge building. There’s even a playground here.”

         “We live close to bunnies,” Emma giggled as she watched two bunnies hop just out of sight of their patio. I had picked out this place for them because it seemed so tranquil, just the opposite of the chaos they were fleeing from. It felt good to see them smiling even though I knew all three were nervous about the move and all of the changes they faced in their lives.

         The first few months seemed to move so slowly. Katelyn struggled to get a job and find childcare for the girls. Affordable childcare seemed impossible to find. I kept the girls for her as much as I could, and she managed to hire somewhat affordable sitters for the other days. She finally got on as a teacher’s aide in a private school nearby. With the help of a few people from the community, she enrolled the girls there so they could all be together. They needed that so much. It was a gift to all three of them just to have those worries lifted off their shoulders. 

         I still wondered if Katelyn was going to make it, though. She had so much to learn about life. Her questions were endless at times. I swayed between wanting to teach her and wanting her to shut up at times. Her needs and her questions overwhelmed me every once in a while. I tried to hang in there with her, though. 

         “Teach me how to do their hair,” Katelyn asked one day.

         “Sure, we’ll do it one day,” I responded as I kept picking up books the girls had been reading. When I looked up, Katelyn was sitting patiently with a brush. I realized she meant right then. She was trying to get them ready for their open house at school. I knew Emily and Emma’s hair usually needed brushing, but it had never dawned on me that Katelyn had never been shown how to really take care of their hair. I remembered some old barrettes I had in my daughter’s room. I brought those down and we spent the next half hour making each girl look and feel adorable. We were all giggling when we were done. 

         The next few years seemed to pass quickly. Katelyn worked so hard to keep her family going and growing. She babysat for neighbors a couple of evenings a week so she could set aside a little money for the future. She usually managed to get through each month even though it was a struggle at times. I grew to love my time with her girls. I actually began to look forward to their days off from school so we could sneak away to the library or the park. 

         I also learned to handle Katelyn’s questions a lot better. At times, I can even say I enjoyed them. It was fun to see her learn. When we were apart, I always came back and shared my adventures with all three of them. I brought back books and CDs for them when I traveled. 

         Even though Katelyn always seemed appreciative for what I did, it never seemed enough to me. I wanted to do so much more. If I could have three wishes, I would have wished for Katelyn more money to survive on, more time to rest, and more chances to travel with her girls. I never could make all of their problems disappear, though. Katelyn still faced legal issues because of her ex-husband. He seemed to be constantly trying to disrupt their lives with more of his abuse. She had old legal and medical bills to pay. She never had enough time to rest or enough money to really be comfortable. I always felt like I was failing them somehow.

         Now she has saved up enough to move a little closer to work and in a slightly bigger apartment. I came over today to help pack, but never dreamed of what I would hold in my hands—rocks and watermelon seeds in plastic bags with a ribbon tied on to each one. A neatly written note was inside of each bag.

         “Rocks from Maine, 2001. I can’t believe Grace thought of me on her trip. Being remembered is the sweetest gift of all.”

         “Rocks from Colorado, 2003. When Grace looked out across the mountains, she fell in love with the view and brought part of it back for me. She cared enough to share with me what she saw. Sharing memories is a wonderful gift.”

         “Rocks from Switzerland, 2004. No matter how far she goes, she never forgets me. She could have walked away so many times. These rocks remind me of the beauty of the landscapes she can see and of the beauty of the friendship she shares with me.”

         “Watermelon seeds, 2000. Grace bought us a watermelon—first one in our new home. Emma, Emily and I decided to dry and keep the seeds. The watermelon made us all smile. It was the perfect gift for us. I hope one day we plant seeds of love and joy just like Grace does for us. That’s what I want to teach my girls.”

         The bags had been stored in a shoebox. On the lid, Katelyn had written, “Rocks and watermelon seeds—all a person needs in life. With these, I know I can make it now. We’re really going to make it.”

         I slipped one watermelon seed out of the bag and into my pocket. Having it there made me feel very loved by the three people that I didn’t think I had helped enough. I put the shoebox in my car to take on to their new home. Yes, they are really going to make it now. Maybe they already have. 

**

Your challenge for the week: Think about who you can offer love to. What simple gifts can you offer someone that could be very meaningful in their life? Do you offer love that heals? Maybe you can help change lives one small moment at a time. Offer love to those in your community. This story message doesn’t just apply to domestic violence victims. Offer love to someone of a different race or a different viewpoint. Offer kindness and loving gestures to someone in the LGBTQ+ community. To someone of a different religion. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of my Look to See Me Podcast. If this is meaningful to you or you enjoyed it, please leave a review and share with others. I hope you return for my next episode. 

Tables or Sides

If you are following my podcast on iTunes or SoundCloud (Look to See Me by Chris Pepple), you can find some of the transcripts of my episodes here.

***

Hi, Listeners! I hope you are all safe tonight and are finding moments of peace and hope in these challenging days. I know we are in the middle of some stressful and uncertain times. I do welcome you, though, to this season of Look to See Me, a podcast that invites you to look closer at the lives of people around you and to take time to hear their stories. I’m Chris Pepple and today I’m going to talk about tables. 

I used to naively believe that there never had to be “sides.” There never had to be choosing who to stand with because I thought we could learn to stand together. I believed in tables…I believed in conversations. I believed in being a lifelong learner and being willing to hear another person’s voice, to understand another person’s life experiences.

For example, I’m not a farmer, but I can come to the table with a farmer and hear their joys and their struggles and grow from that…find ways I can be true to who I am and still find ways to help farmers be successful in their lives. 

I’m not black, but I can come to the table with black men and hear their fears and cry with them over the racism they have faced. I can still be true to who I am and find ways to stop racism, end discrimination and senseless deaths, and help black men fulfill their dreams and raise their families and be successful in their careers. 

I’m not transgender, but I can come to the table with a person who is and hear their life story. I can still be true to who I am and find ways to help them feel safe and loved and respected in this world. I can make their life better so they can find hope and follow their dreams. 

I’m not a child about to age out of the foster care system, but I can come to the table with them and see the struggles they have faced. I can hear their fears and see the worry in their eyes. I can still be true to who I am and help bring changes that will make their future brighter. 

I don’t have to give up any of my dreams to make this happen. My dreams have a place at the table, too. We talk it through at the table. We bring hope and love and respect to the table. We listen to each other and find ways to make a life of hope possible for all people. I was taught that nothing is impossible with God, so this is what I thought could happen. I didn’t want it to be about choosing sides. 

But then life taught me that some people are unwilling to come to the table and listen. They not only refuse to sit with some people, but they try to take the chairs away from the people on the way to the table. 

I first realized this when I faced domestic abuse. There were people who didn’t want to hear or believe me. They judged me harshly, and some still do. They sided with the abuser and took my chair away from the table they sat at. 

Then I saw the members of the LGBTQ community try to come to the table to talk. I first saw this in the 90s during the AIDS crisis. Churches closed their doors. Families cast people out. Too many people refused to sit at the table with a gay person and try to share love and hope in the middle of a tragedy for the world and for our nation. Without a shared table, I had to choose sides. I chose to stand with the LGBTQ community. I led a funeral for a dear cousin who died of AIDS. I presented his square to the AIDS Memorial Quilt. I lost my seat at many tables, but I found much joy and love with the people who were willing to share their table with me. 

Then I met wonderful people who are transgender. I happen to have someone in my family who was accidentally assigned the wrong gender at birth. I learned what nonbinary means and queer and bisexual and pansexual. I came to the table and listened. But then I realized again that too many people refused to come to the table. Our table, instead, was spit upon and cursed at and judged by people who refused to join the conversation. So, I had to choose sides. I chose the table full of love and respect. We help each other dodge the rocks thrown our way. We hug through the tears of rejection. But we find joy and love. 

Then I heard the cries of black men dying from police brutality and from white vigilantes declaring it their right to kill anyone they are suspicious of. I saw black mothers crying. I looked around and realized that again too many people were refusing to come to the table and hear their cries and find ways to stop the deaths and the racism causing them. I had to choose sides. I stood with the people declaring that black lives matter. I chose justice and love and respect for all people. I chose to stand with people who want to live their lives without fear of being killed for no justified reason at all. And I found Jesus standing right there next to me. And I found people praying that I could kneel with and pray. I found people who heard me and who shared their stories and their tables with me. 

I still believe in tables. I believe that we can learn to hear each other and stop declaring that we have to choose sides. Humanity does not have to be divided up into sides. We can come to the tables with respect and love. We can listen. We can stay true to who we are and allow others to be respected for who they are. We can see the beauty in the diversity around the tables. We can learn from the gifts and talents and stories of others. We can share our gifts and talents and stories with them. 

I heard a preacher this past Sunday ask the question, when you use the word “we,” who do you exclude? When you say “we” are joining at the table, who do you refuse to sit with? The transgender teen? The black man? The impoverished single mom? The one on welfare? The domestic abuse survivor? The crying mother? The gay man? The married lesbian couple? The Native American? The Mexican family? The immigrant? Who do you exclude from the table? 

It hurts to lose your seat at the table. We all want to be loved and included. I want to love and include you…all of you…but I tell you this…if you exclude someone, you will force me to choose sides. And if I have to choose sides, I will always get up from your table of privilege and stand with the person you refused to sit with. I will walk with the ones being discriminated against. I will work to stop racism and hate crimes and transphobia and homophobia and bullying of all forms. I will willingly give up my seat at your table of privilege if you are unwilling to listen to the voices of others and respect them. 

Stop making us all choose sides. This is humanity…all of us together…the diversity of skin colors and genders and sexual preferences and gifts and talents and life stories. It’s a beautiful view from my perspective when I picture us all coming to the table for significant conversations that will bring so much love and joy to us all when we work for peace and hope and justice for all people. I will never give up this hope. I no longer regret the times I’ve lost a seat at a table for being true to this hope…for being true to who I am and what I believe and what I stand for…

Come to the table…join the conversations that can be so hard to hear at first…bring love with you and you will be loved in return…there’s laughter and joy on the other side of the tears we will shed when we realize all the unnecessary losses that have occurred when we excluded people from the table. 

Thanks for listening to this episode of my Look To See Me podcast. I love you…you are worthy…you are strong…you are beautiful…never let another person define you…join me at the table, won’t you? 

The Belief Came Tumbling Down

Dear person in the pew, person in the street, person declaring your rights—I hear you. I’m a listener. I want to understand you. You are fighting for a belief—for a right. You are declaring that belief to be key to your religious life. You, however, are not setting your beliefs in stone and building upon them. You, instead, are creating paper towers that tumble when the wind blows. 

You declare that businesses have the right to turn away gay couples who want a wedding cake. You say it’s their right to determine what they are comfortable with in their own business. However, you declare that Whole Foods can’t decide that they are going to require people to wear a mask. You threatened any business that decided their faith told them to care for their employees and customers in this way. 

Your belief just came tumbling down…

You declare that protests should never interfere with traffic when Black Lives Matter groups block cars and walk across a bridge. You say that is interfering with the safety of others and creating a dangerous situation, yet you block roads around a hospital and a state building when you are angry about public policy. 

Your belief just came tumbling down…

You declare that you can protect your own home in a way that seems best to you and declare that you can shoot and kill intruders, yet you have a black man arrested for shooting a gun in the air inside his house when people walk into his home unexpectedly. 

Your belief just came tumbling down… 

You declare that truth should be held up as an ideal in this nation, yet you do not call out lies caught on tape. 

Your belief just came tumbling down…

You declare that life is sacred and should be protected against those who seek an abortion, yet you let children die in our protective custody. You let domestic violence continue to kill women and men and children in this nation. You fight against medical care that would save thousands of lives each year. 

Your belief just came tumbling down…

You declare that sexual purity should be an ideal that we all seek, so you fight against access to birth control and condoms. You, however, let rapists go free. You keep the pornography industry in business. Child sexual abuse is still prevalent in our nation. You say “boys will be boys” when they grope girls against their will. 

Your belief just came tumbling down…

You declare marriage to be sacred and demand that it be exclusively a right given to a man and a woman, yet you have high divorce and adultery rates and don’t question your buddies when they cheat on or abuse their spouses. 

Your belief just came tumbling down…

Your paper foundations that fuel your protests and your anger burn quickly when held up to the light of your actions. The ashes blow away in the wind when your need for comfort and personal satisfaction collides with your declared beliefs. 

What do you believe? How often do you ask yourself if your life reflects what you yell so loudly? Do you really live your beliefs, or do they come tumbling down when your own actions bump up against them?

I believe in the sacred worth of all people…

I believe that love heals and love wins…

I believe that my actions should reflect my faith and should help work towards the greater good—should build a nation where we are all respected.

I believe that all people deserve a chance at health and all should be allowed to join with the love of their lives and find joy…

I believe that gender is more complicated than we knew, and I’m willing to be a lifelong learner…

I’m willing to listen to you and also work to include you in the community…

I believe we can end hunger and abuse and unnecessary deaths if we work together…

I believe we can come together in community and seek truth together, in conversation with each other… 

I believe we can share a common table…grab a chair and have a seat with me…

Let’s pray to God who taught me these beliefs…