To the daughter of Mary (a blogger whose post is being passed around):
Your mother wrote that when you grow up, she has a lot to teach you. I’m glad that she cares about you and wants the best for you. I have two daughters, and I love them very much, too.
Your mother wrote that she didn’t march for you because there was no need to–that everything is fine for women in the United States. Her quote was, “I’m writing this letter to tell you that what some people are yelling very loudly today (and will continue to yell very loudly for years to come) are lies.”
Oh, Sweet Girl, I wish that was true. I wish you and my daughters both lived in a wonderful world with no pain, no abuse, no harassment, no rapes. She is right about some things in her post–men can be abused, too, especially young boys. But the march was about stopping all abuse and bringing abuse into the light so we can work to end it together. None of us want anyone to be abused, but if we don’t talk about it, how will we end it?
But here’s what someone besides your mother will have to teach you. If you or your friends are ever raped on a college campus, you as a woman will find justice hard to come by if things stay as they are right now, Your mother would know that if she friended young rape victims or just listened to their stories that have been proven true.
Here are some stats:
11.2% of all students experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation (among all graduate and undergraduate students).
Among graduate and professional students, 8.8% of females and 2.2% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation.
Among undergraduate students, 23.1% of females and 5.4% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation.
4.2% of students have experienced stalking since entering college.
Here are some links to articles that show that women on campuses struggle to find justice:
There are many others sources you can find. Until both men and women can be safe on our campuses, all of us must speak out. It’s the just, loving thing to do.
Also, let’s talk about domestic abuse against both men and women. It’s time we bring reality into the light. I can tell you my story if you want to know it, but let me just say that I fought the legal system for 11 years. As a woman, I was told over and over again that his wishes mattered more than my rights. I raised my daughters to understand that the Circuit Court system needed to be revised to hear the voices of all people, (A male judge asked me once when my abuser was $96,000 behind on child support: “His lawyer is a nice guy. Why don’y you just make a deal with them and let’s end this?” It’s all in the court record–very provable.)
Maybe your mother will take the time to volunteer at a rape crisis center or get to know women struggling to leave domestic abuse. Maybe she will get to know impoverished children whose mother struggles to get them fed and cared for. Maybe your mother will have lunch with a survivor of traumatic abuse and hear her story.
It’s easy to say, “My life is good so people are crazy if their life isn’t good.” It’s harder to see that Jesus understood. He walked with the outcasts, not with the privileged. Jesus believed and cared about and healed the bleeding woman, the woman at the well, the blind beggar, the lepers…God put their stories in Holy Scripture.
Read the Bible yourself and see that God tells us to feed the hungry, be a voice to the hurting, love the outcasts. To one wealthy questioner, He answered: Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” (Matthew 19:21).
Please honor your mother. She is your mother. But hear the voices of those she is calling a liar. Get to know people and you will see what God sees–the tears of His people, the scared rape victims, to beaten wives and children (and beaten men).
You blog, too, one day, but use your voice to end suffering. When we listen, we grow in our understanding of the lives of others and the realities in this world that we may have never experienced. When I read social media posts, I see the pain that so many people experience when their stories aren’t heard. People try to tell their stories so we can try to understand what it’s like for them as cancer patients, as people with special needs, as people who grieve over a loss, as people who face hate or violence of all types, as people who struggle with depression or addictions or pain of so many types.